7 Chapter 7 (Bad Essays)

One of the problems that students frequently encounter is that they get caught in an echo chamber. It is easy to surround ourselves with people who agree with us or with those who do not challenge our opinions. It is even easier to find bad arguments that are emotionally persuasive. However, unless we have a reason to slow down and look at these arguments more objectively, they simply reinforce the poorly formed notions we already have. This chapter contains examples of “bad” academic writing. Each will be given without commentary and then will have the commentary added in on the next pages.

“The Swift Thief”

When you think of terrifying dinosaurs, you probably think of Tyrannosaurus Rex or Spinosaurus, but the real dangers were much smaller. The most terrifying dinosaur might very well have been not much bigger than you or me, but it was smart and equipped with a slashing claw that could disembowel anyone it chose to attack. I am referring, of course, to the Velociraptor.

Contrary to the name of the famous park, Velociraptors lived in the Cretaceous period, not the Jurassic. They were the type of dinosaur technically called therapods, and therapods were all three-toed vicious killers. If any of them were alive today, then people probably could not have evolved. While the big boys get the attention, the real terrors were a little bit smaller. We have proof that velociraptors hunted in packs, and “was probably one of the more intelligent dinosaurs, because it had a large brain proportionate to its body size” (“Velociraptor”).

These sleek hunters were fast, able to reach speeds close to a wolf, and “The Velociraptor had curved 6-inch razor-sharp claws on each hand” (“Velociraptor”). Just imagine this terrifying creature coming at you. Now imagine turning and running away—only to run right into another member of its pack. There would be no escape from this scale-covered death machine.

So, keep your lumbering T-rexes. Marvel if you want at the gentle rhinos of the prehistoric world, the Triceratops. For my money, the most exciting dinosaur was the “speedy thief” known as Velociraptor.

Works Cited

“Velociraptor.” Jurassic World: Intel. http://www.jurassicworld.com/intel/dinosaur/velociraptor

Now, here is the same essay with some very basic commentary on the right.

So, this is a classic example of an essay that is undermined by an overconfident student writing from what xe thinks xe knows, going for drama instead of information. It might be a lovely essay to turn in for a 7th grade English class, but it’s just not academic writing. Next, here is a passage from what would presumably be a much longer essay. It makes some of the same mistakes, but it also has other failings.

“Giants of the Ancient Sea” Excerpt

Most people know about dinosaurs, but did you know that while dinosaurs were walking on land, there were giant reptiles swimming in the sea? There were! These magnificent creatures were called plesiosaurs, and while they were not dinosaurs, they swam alongside them.

Millions of years ago, massive dinosaurs made the earth tremble as they walked. One of them was brontosaurus, the thunder lizard. Another was the biggest dinosaur of all time, brachiosaurus. These giants were from a group called the sauropods, and they all had the same body plan—small head, long neck, round body, and sweeping tail. This same body plan worked just as well in the water. The plesiosaurs looked like the famed Loch Ness Monster, with a snake-like neck on a massive body. Unlike the Loch Ness Monster, though, plesiosaurs were real! Sadly, though, they have no living relatives (“Baby”).

Plesiosaurs were more than just sea monsters, though. They were likely caring parents. First, it’s not like a flippered creature is going to crawl onto land in order to lay eggs. This means that the plesiosaurs likely needed to give birth to live young, just like mammals. Mammals are famous for the fact that we care for our young. Additionally, a study done by Robin O’Keefe discovered that newborn plesiosaurs needed care to survive. Robin explains “Our study also reaches the novel conclusion that plesiosaur fetal bone grew extremely quickly, sacrificing bone strength for growth rate. Plesiosaur babies may have needed maternal care for protection.” She points out that while plesiosaurs were big, they could not have fended for themselves.

Works Cited

“Baby Plesiosaurs Were Weak Swimmers: New Analysis of Pregnant Plesiosaur Fossil on View at Natural History Museum of Los Angeles County.” NHM.org. 2 Jan 2019.

Once more, with the original text on the left and commentary on the right.

So, this essay again creates problems for itself out of carelessness. Many of these problems could have been prevented if the student simply wrote from evidence instead of writing from personal “knowledge” and then patching in sources.